Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Witty Wednesday

A big thank you to you all for your ideas...I have decided what to dress up as and it was one mentioned but I'll leave you guessing and post a photo after the party (note to self, must remember camera)!

Witty Wednesday once again comes courtesy of John who keeps me in laughs all week...thanks John.


A Scotsman asks the dentist the cost of a tooth extraction.


"£85 for an extraction, sir", was the dentist's reply.


"£85!!!! Hae ye no got anything cheaper, lad?"


"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.


"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?"


"That's unusual sir, but I could do it and knock off £15"



"Whit if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without
anesthetic?"


"I can't guarantee their professionalism, and it would be very painful.
But the price could drop to £40."


"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, hae yer student do the
extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"


"It'll be good for the students," mulled the dentist.


"I'll charge you £5. But it will be very traumatic."


"Ach, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal!














Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"



And...


Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked
him
about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Lusk

= = = =

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Walter.

15 comments:

her indoors said...

wonderful, now i need to clean the coffee off the screen, note dont drink coffee at the same time as reading witty wednesday's!

ChrisB said...

Beccy these are very funny. John does manage to find a lot. I had one from him this week but I'm saving it for next weds.

Misslionheart♥ said...

Very good! I love 'Husband and Wife' jokes! LOL

Mine's up...

thefoodsnob said...

Hey, my father's family is Scottish!
(That's why I had to laugh so much, too true!)

Lisa

Asha said...

LOL! I love those accented dialogues. Can't wait to see your costume!:)

john.g. said...

Beccy......xx

Alix said...

Brilliant - LOL

Can't wait to see your costume

nikki said...

The last one made me snort.

Karmyn R said...

OH WALTER! hahaha - such a typical guys response to the question.

frannie said...

freakin' hilarious!!!

I can't wait to see the costume!

my4kids said...

I can't wait to see your costume!

Both jokes were too funny!

Pamela said...

the dear Walter one is the best....
I did laugh out loud... all by myself at this end of the house. in the dark... scared the cat.

oops

la bellina mammina said...

Love the jokes!!

Steffi said...

Beccy these are very funny !Very good!

I can´t wait to see your costume ;O)...

Sally Lomax said...

oooh.............. Can't wait to see the costume!