Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Why I hate gardening...and a joke!

The Spring cleaning bug has hit me big time, Monday was spent blitzing my sitting room from top to bottom and I'm ashamed to admit to finding a couple of Easter eggs that the Easter bunny hid last year (in my defence they were very well hidden inside a pot on the top shelf. Yesterday was the turn of the garden. I took all the bottles to the bottle bank and cleaned the patio, then I turned my attention to my neighbour hedges. We have a wall all around our garden and both sets of neighbors have hedges which grow up and over our wall. The first neighbour has ivy which was obstructing my washing line, growing over my walls and shed and making my garden feel really small (it's small enough anyway so doesn't need to be made any smaller)! Eight and a half bags of ivy later and that side of the garden is looking respectable. My other neighbour is an older lady living on her own so I always cut down the bush that grows wildly up and over our wall. Bear in mind that I do all the cutting by hand with a small pair of secateurs and you will understand why I was not happy last night. I finished about a third of her hedge and I have blisters on my fingers and thumb and a very sore back. I'm sitting here looking at the hedge on this beautiful sunny morning knowing I have to go out and finish what I've started. There is also my first neighbours hedge out the front which is growing over our front garden and blocking out light. By the time I have finished I think I will have about 25 bags of garden waste to dispose of (which I will have to pay for). So to recap I will have spent two days cutting down hedges that do not belong to me, hurting myself in the process and then I have to pay to get rid of the copious amounts of garden waste, no wonder I'm not a happy bunny.

On a lighter note to fit in with Mum's theme of Witty Wednesday here's a joke for you.

To Be Frank:

A man walks into the street and the rain, and immediately manages to hail a cruising taxi just about to pass by. He tells the driver his destination, gets into the taxi and the cabbie says "Perfect timing, just like Frank".
The man says "Who?"
Cabbie : "Frank Feldman. He's a guy that did everything right - all the time. Like I was passing, just as you came out of that building there. Things like that always happened to Frank Feldman"
Passenger : "Well there must be some clouds in everyone's life, surely?"
Cabbie : "Not with Frank Feldman! He was a great athlete too. Could have won a tennis Grand Slam, played golf with the pros, anything. He sang like Sinatra, danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. Sensational! What a guy, eh?"
Passenger : "Sounds like he was someone really special, then"
Cabbie : "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He'd remember everyone's birthday or anniversary. He knew all about dining out, which wines to order, which cutlery to use, all that stuff. And he could fix anything, he was an expert electrician, carpenter, plumber and so on. Me,
I change a fuse and it knocks out all the lighting in the street. Not Frank Feldman, he got everything right".
Passenger : "Wow, some guy then!"
Cabbie : "And he always knew the quickest way to get from A to B, avoiding traffic jams, not like me. I always seem to get stuck in them".
Passenger : "Mmmm. There aren't many like him around".
Cabbie : "And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even when she was wrong. He was always immaculately dressed, too. Shoes always polished, clothes always exactly right for the occasion - he was just the perfect gentleman. Never made a mistake. Nobody could ever measure up to Frank Feldman".
Passenger : "An amazing fellow! How did you meet him?"
Cabbie : "Well, I never actually met Frank"
Passenger : "Well, how do you know so much about him, then?"
Cabbie : "Because I married his widow, that's how".

25 comments:

ChrisB said...

beccy, as one who has cut that ivy for you on several occasions I know how you are suffering and you know my views you really should talk to them about it, it's their ivy they should take responsibility and pay to have it carted away. After all you've done their job of keeping it pruned and before you say it I know you want to remain a good neighbour but there are limits (after all they are not being neighbourly towards you letting that ivy grow so much onto your property).

yes good joke I've read this one before.

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear beccy. I had an ivy problem at our place in Sydney. Part of what actually contributed to the 'problem' was that I neglected to cut it back for about two years (hey! I'm not that 'garden aware'. I thought it was normal not to be able to shut our gate!) Anyway, I, too, am the queen of secateurs (sp!) and ended up with the HUGEST blister on the inside of my hand from the tip of my thumb to the tip of my pointer. Yowch.

So then what I did (and sorry about the long post) was go to Woolies to get some el cheapo weed killer. Well, it worked a treat (unlike with most things where cheap = crap, I think chemicals cheap = more lethal). So I sprayed and sprayed the whole garden! Who needs a mower (which was broken) when you have annhiliator in a bottle?

The damage: Two dead tree (yes, tree), half a dead lawn, and lots of dead ivy that was so tangled, my seccateurs couldn't cut it off.

The bad news: The house was a rental. The landlords weren't happy.

Beccy said...

I know Mum and when I see them I am going to ask them to keep it cut back.

LMM funnily enough last night Joules and I came up with a plan to poison the ivy so it wouldn't grow back but I think the finger would point to me and I'm just too nice!

Sally Lomax said...

Friday May 11th?

I hate gardening too!!

Good joke!! (although I thought that the joke was the date to start with!)

hellojed said...

Brilliant joke! How are you getting on with your garden now? Hope you will able to relax and chill out at some point today. At least you can feel good about the fact that you're helping out your next door neighbour and your garden will look stunning once you've finished.

H said...

I hate gardening too. We have o constantly cut back the clematis that trails over from next door. I love the look of it, but it gets in the way of the steps to our decking. I completely sympathise.
Hope the blisters heal soon.

The Humble Housewife said...

Love the joke! :-)

Gardening is rough for me too... usually because as soon as I set my eyes on anything green, it's death is imminent! :-)

Asha said...

LOL @ the joke.You and your mum making me laugh a lot these days!:))

I understand about the gardening!Glad my hubby does all that,I don't step out!You have to pay for clearing garden waste?! Hmm..!!May be your neighbor should share the cost.

frannie said...

I undertstand you helping out your older neighbor, but you should talk to the other one. It isn't your responsibility to handle their ivy.

and you should invest in some of those hedge clippers.

and ask your neighbors to pay for the waste removal.

Lisa said...

Beccy,
That joke's great!
I have a green thumb outside (sometimes) but it's just a death sentence to bring any plant-like object in my house (except,of course, herbs for cooking!)

Catwoman said...

I can't believe Bono lets his Ivy grow wildly like that! How rude of him.

And I'm pretty sure he can afford to pay to have the waste hauled off.

Oh and my word verification is lpbhhug, so apparently Blogger thinks you need a hug after all that gardening! :)

Emma in Canada said...

That joke was very funny. I think there must be a female version out there somewhere too.

I agree that the neighbours sgould help out with the ivy. Do they keep their side meat? If so, when they are out doing it you could always tell them you'll leave the gate open so they can pop round and do the other side.

Robin said...

What a servant you are, Beccy! But I did have to grin at the thought of "poison ivy" ;).

You tell a good joke :)...I'm liking these WW by you and your mum!

fatman said...

That's a very funny joke. Made me laugh :)

Beccy said...

Ooops Sally, changed the date!

Finished the cutting Hellojed so can enjoy the sun.

Welcome H, My son took over so the blisters have had a bit of a rest whilst I cleaned out the sheds!

Welcome humble housewife, that's why I have no flowers in the back garden I pretend it's so the children have more space.

Asha, prehaps your hubby could teach mine a few tricks.

Frannie I nearly bought a hedge strimmer today only they'd sold out!

Lisa my house is too small to contain anything green and living it can hardly contain us and all our stuff!

Catwoman, these celebrities huh. I think I should get my people onto his people.

Emma I am going to talk to them I just have to be brave like the lion in the Wizard of Oz.

Thanks Robin, we aim to give everyone a laugh mid week.

Glad I made you laugh Fatman.

enidd said...

thanks for making enidd laugh, beccy!

Karmyn R said...

I did not see that joke coming...hee hee.

oh - the ivy. I HATE it. The back part of our yard had a bunch - we pulled it all out (or thought we did). It is sooo invasive. Hey - just have my husband come over to trim your hedges. He does a REAL good job (there might not be any hedge left when he gets done with it!)

Sam said...

I thought that the law was if you cut something overhanging that you had to give the thing you cut down back to the person who owned it.

For example - if they had a lemon tree overhanging your garden you would have to give them the overhanging lemons.

So I don't see why the same wouldn't apply to the ivy.

I would just knock on their door and say - Hey - I cut sown your ivy - here are your branches, I believe they belong to you.

Beccy said...

Delighted to have made you laugh Enidd.

Karmyn jusy send your hubby over, I'd love him to cut down the whole hedge!

Sam not sure the law is the same in Ireland as UK, but it's not the done thing here to complain. Also at some point we would like to extend the house so we want to stay on friendy terms with them so they don't contest the planning permission. I am going to mention it when I see them.

Steffi said...

Yes,Beccy ivy can be a very badand terrible plant!We have a lot of ivy in our garden too.I hate this site of my garden because the ivy come back from year to year from our neighbours!I don´t hate gardening.It´s nice to relaxing for me after my work.

laurie said...

love the joke. had to read it out loud to my husband, who also laughed.

we once had neighbors dump a bunch of cuttings from their yard and garden behind our garage....and while we were discussing whether or not we were obligated to haul it to the compost heap, when the city issued us a citation for having a messy yard.

so we had to pay the ticket AND haul away the mysterious cuttings. grrrrrr.

Kila said...

I hope you feel better soon! Congrats on all the work you got done!

my4kids said...

Fortunatly we have no Ivy! Also we are renting right now and our landlords take care of the landscapping, which is good because our trees and bushes in other houses were always overgrown before we touched them. I am not much of a spring cleaner either...

Loved the joke by the way!

Beccy said...

Steffi, I don't know how you find the time for everything, beautiful garden and all that sewing.

Laurie, that is terrible. I'm glad we can't get fined for messy gardens or I'd be permanently paying out!

Thanks Kila, my thumb is rubbed raw so is still sore, especially when I wash up.

Terri, I wish I had someone to take care of the garden, I'm just not a natural at it.

Pamela said...

loved the joke.

heading over to your house with our chain saw brrrrummmmmmmm brrrmmmmmmm... goodbye ivy.