Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Witty Wednesday

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat". After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted

Thanks John!

Misslionheart has joined in this weeks Witty Wednesday with a great joke, go check it out if you fancy a laugh.

23 comments:

Misslionheart♥ said...

Lol! Brilliant!

her indoors said...

hehehaha good one!

Misslionheart♥ said...

I just posted one.....

Asha said...

LOL!! Good one to smile on a boring Wednesday!:)

Sally Lomax said...

LOL!!!!!!

Brilliant!!

Lisa said...

LOL! I love Wednesday mornings, they start my day off right!

headless chicken said...

Another good one! Lol.

Alix said...

Excellent LOL

Pamela said...

now that will start my morning on a good giggle...

la bellina mammina said...

Heard this one before and it never fails to make me laugh out loud!

Tiggerlane said...

A Canon on a tripod - I'll never think of THAT in the same way!

Rachel said...

That was hilarious!!!

Christine said...

OMG, that's hilarious. I haven't heard this one before.
Thanks for the giggles this morning.

ChrisB said...

As your mother I shouldn't be encouraging you by laughing :) :) now I wonder why john didn't send that one my way!

Kellan said...

Oh Good Lord! I'm still laughing (tripod!) - will show my husband that one. Cute!

frannie said...

I wondered what your mum would think when she read that one! :)

Karmyn R said...

This would make a good bit in a situational comedy show.

Heather J said...

haaa! That's hilarious!!!

lisa's chaos said...

That is absolutely hilarious! :) I have to share it with my husband now so he'll know why I'm rolling around laughing.

my4kids said...

Oh that was bad!!! :)
I read it the hubby and he said I needed to send it to my dad....

lisa's chaos said...

You still have me laughing (come over to my place - there are awards involved. :)

nikki said...

Hilarious. Thank you for my morning laugh.

Kila said...

Hilarious! That was a good one.