Male Versus Female?

A case of the old Delhi Belly does not make for a terribly Witty Wednesday but it does help with weight loss for an up and coming holiday!

According to John it's a man's world and this is why, my responses are in pink (and my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek):

Your last name stays put. My last name did stay put but hey I've a choice of two to use if I want.
The garage is all yours. What garage? But the shed is mostly mine.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Thanks Mum.
Chocolate is just another snack. Chocolate is the ultimate snack!
You can be President. I know I can but I think I'll pass on that one.
You can never be pregnant. Poor you, never to feel another being growing inside you. The birth bit is easily forgotten hence women have more than one baby.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. I wouldn't wear a t-shirt, white or otherwise to a water park. I'd wear a swimming costume or bikini.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. In your dreams.
The world is your urinal. I have a strong bladder, I don't need the world as my urinal thanks very much!
You never have to drive to another services because the toilets at this one are just too icky. Nor do I, it's easy to take a whizz without touching the toilet seat.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Well of course not, it's fairly straightforward.
Same work, more pay. Is that something to boast about? I think it's a sad reflection of our so say equal society.
Wrinkles add character. So my wrinkles tell me.
Wedding dress £1200. £300.
Dinner suit rental - £250. What dinner suit.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. I think that only happens if your exposing your breasts then I guess you might want your chest stared at.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. And I'm an expert at it as well as farting!
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Why would they?
One mood all the time. Boring.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. How do you get the gossip in 30 seconds?
You know stuff about tanks. Lucky you, I'm quite glad to know nothing about tanks except they maim and kill and that's not cool.
A five-day trip requires only one suitcase. One suitcase? It's one small rucksack for me.
You can open all your own jars. So can I and I don't brag about it.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. You mean you get treated like a child...no thanks.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. No one has ever forgotten to invite me, or if they have I don't know and am still their friend.
Your underwear is £5 for a three-pack. OK so I can get a three pack for €5 but why wear cardboard when I can wear silk?
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Maybe but boring and shoes can last forever.
You almost never have strap problems in public. No you have problems lower down that involve a lot of shifting and checking.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Wrinkles, what wrinkles? I discovered years ago that wearing clothes gets rid of the wrinkles in seconds...now where did I put my iron...?
Everything on your face stays its original colour. White, sunburn red, yellow tinge...what's so great about that?
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. Double boring....
You only have to shave your face and neck. What about hairy backs and chests etc, a lot of men take their grooming further because they admire us so!
You can play with toys all your life. So can I, I bet my toys are more fun than yours.
Your belly usually hides your big hips. Beer belly, no thanks...curvaceous hips all the way.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons. Triple boring....
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. So can I but I can also wear skirts and dresses, yey loads of choice.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. So could I, if I did my nails.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. Equality of the sexes, so can some of us if we want to? It all boils down to personal choice.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. Look at the crap you come up with and the fun you miss out on.
No wonder men are happier. In your dreams, don't you know we're pulling all the strings!