Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The brown stuff and the fan...

Wow, 20 comments on one picture, I wasn't expecting that but thanks for the kind and funny words you all made me laugh. A lot of you were right yesterday with the s**t hitting the fan, (sorry Mum). Yesterday was not a great day in terms of issues that involve the Parents Association in Mollie's and Ben's school, of which I am secretary. Unfortunately someone deemed it unnecessary to divulge important information to me before a meeting but instead to drop the clanger at the meeting knowing that this involved my child and I had already queried it happening and had been told on two occasions that it would not. Are you confused? I am but as this is a public blog with my name and face plastered all over it I don't want to be too personal (one earful is enough for me to take). Thank God for Witty Wednesday because I need a laugh.

Many thanks to John who keeps me well supplied with funny emails (maybe you should skip reading me on a Wednesday John because most of them come from you)!

I'm not sure who sent me the following but it makes me laugh every time I read it.
Of interest to those who seek and recruit staff.

Job : B & Q (a DIY store) JOB APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:
Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.

18 comments:

Sabrina said...

Love the application! I think that guy ended up working at our local B&Q!
Hope the school stuff works out. Lots of the moms here have had scares with a TB outbreak in their kids' schools. Scary stuff!!!

Little Miss Moi said...

Dear beccy. Other parents... grr. They sound like the ladies who lunch. That application is very cute! I love it. What's B&Q?

hellojed said...

Thanks for the lift! Hope everything works out for you.

ChrisB said...

Beccy Ok that as well but mine's still true!!

Have read the joke before but I still like it.

MaryP said...

Never seen that job application before, but I already have a list of people in my head I intend to send it to! Had me laughing out loud.

Sally Lomax said...

Love the engineer joke! Sorry to hear about your PTA..................

Dare I suggest that voluntary organisations are all the same, and often seem to cause more hassle than jobs we are paid for? (Self indulgent i know, but I am thinking of my own experiences in the past month too.) in paid work, no-one would DARE to treat you so badly - especially as secretary.

I feel for you. I guessed it was something bad from the pix. Good on you though for getting so many comments for it. Perhaps we all ought to try one word posts. see what wort of response that could bring!

Lisa said...

I really like reading the Witty Wednesdays, great laughs. I really don't know too many jokes, and am not very funny, so I'm taking a pass on this one.
Sorry about the school thing, people just aren't right a lot of the time, are they?

frannie said...

I'm so sorry about the crap you are going through at school! email me if you need to vent using names! I won't tell- at least not any one in Ireland!

and the application is priceless!!

john.g. said...

I could do that job, but it would have to be 8.30/11.30. The pub opens at 12.00! LMAO!!

Asha said...

Sorry about the mean people.

Funny application ,wonder who hires him?! Hmm..!!:D

Thanks for the fan picture,was fun!:)

my4kids said...

Sorry about the problems at your kids school, as you know that is one that really gets me going! grr, like Izzak says "you don't wanna bring on the momma bear". He actually says that to people. I think it surprises him because I am generally a fairly quiet person but not when my kids are involved. My experiences with him have changed that!

Love the application joke, to funny! I enjoy witty wendsday its the middle of the week and I can really use the laugh!

Rachel said...

I loved that! It was too funny!

Hope things get better.

Karmyn R said...

That is the BEST application. Thanks for the giggle.

Sorry about whatever happened yesterday. Politics suck. (especially those close-to-home)

Kila said...

Sorry about the surprise at the meeting. Hope it ended well.

Great application :)

Sam said...

poor beccy

Pamela said...

There is an Email floating around with a bunch of silly lines from applications.

This one is probably about as truthful as those padded ones that people turn in for jobs. I could tell you stories... sigh....
you think you're hiring the best. And you find out they are the best BS'ers.

Steffi said...

Funny telephone-number!I think it was a big joke!

la bellina mammina said...

thanks for sharing this - really hilarious!